Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
