i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize