everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
