the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
