I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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