True but thats because hes a fetus.
high people should be assigned attendants
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
