mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
