So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize