apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
