standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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