I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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