dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
