I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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