That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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