she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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