My nipple is on Facebook.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
