Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
His nipple licking is glorious
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