THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
