walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
