I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
