I'm sorry my penis didn't work
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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