This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
