How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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