what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize