Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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