Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
