he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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