No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize