i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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