he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
