I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
