She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
