i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
