fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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