Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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