mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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