Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Randomize