i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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