he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
