worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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