Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
