No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
