felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
