ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
