i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
