my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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