my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Quick, to the slutcave!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
