He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
