I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
