its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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