i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
