you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
