YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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