so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
