Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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