I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
