Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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