Please, let me fuck your mom
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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