Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
