Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
