Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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