so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
