I can text with my tongue
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
