I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
